reflections from the wrong side of the glass

i like to stare out windows, at ceilings, walls, people. the mindlessness of it. the longing of it. of watching something happen outside of you, almost opens a portal to the infinite longing that lives within. i find myself wanting so many things, craving so many things, longing.

there’s a tree outside of this window, a big apartment building. all of the apartment windows have three rectangles up and down and double panes. i can’t see through, just some pieces of furniture in some windows. most are empty, waiting for people with their hammers and nails to come in and make it into something. the tree is just there, sometimes the leaves sway, sometimes not. the cars pass by and the people skate, bike, walk. most don’t even notice i’m watching them. the gate opens and closes and i can’t see anyone coming in or out, i just assume they are because the gate is opening, and closing.

but it’s quite possible that there’s no one coming in or out. that it’s simply opening or closing because it’s a malfunction, or an illusion- the way the light hits the gate. i also don’t know where any of the people are going, or where they came from or if they’re even human. i’m sure most of you have noticed the rise of the robot. modern day transformers. except they stay robots and forget their human origins. i can hear them in the background as i watch the tree deciding to sway, or not.

they sound like clones, obsessively speaking about falsities taken to be realities. synthetic. i can hear the malfunctions in their voice, the periods of silence where they don’t know what else to choke up. constant chatter, constant noise fills the looking glass. as it’s reflections divert away from the image it so poignantly places on display.

but on the other side of the glass… it’s quiet, slow, contemplative. nuanced, generalized. mindless. shapeless. all left to interpretation. to illusion. to imagination.

i want to live inside the glass. cross the threshold to the other side. live amongst the nuance, fully embrace the mindlessness. sway with the trees, contemplate coming and going with the cars and the bikes. walk in the peace. i don’t want to be on this side anymore with it’s loudness and empty chatter. i want to be on the other side.

FIRE MEDITATION

Fire is healing. The earth provides us with all that we need to heal, her elements are our elements. we are one. fire burns, disintegrates. leaves nothing but ashes in its path. set aflame all the things that live within you that you no longer want in your home. remember, you can not set another’s house on fire. you cannot control what goes on outside of your home. you can not control the flames that rage outside, only those that rage within. focus. control. release.

allow yourself to use this as inspiration to sit in silence with a candle, or by a fire. focus on the flames, feel the heat. set your intention, then watch it burn.

fire has been used as a method to cleanse the air and as a method of worship for…well, probably for as long as the earth has been the earth. “WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE!” 🎶 it was one of the first tools that we discovered as a species, it is what allows us to cook our food, to feel heat, to drive cars to experience electricity. fire is electric. it can be devastating, like the fires that rage in california or the MAN MADE fires that burn down our forests.

regardless, fire is one of the most powerful elements and tools that we have on this earth. candles are one of my favorite things in the world. because through the fire we can experience aromatherapy and connect deeper to self. i invite you all to find a little fire in your life, be it literal or figurative. allow the fire to light your passions, burn away all things no longer meant for you. allow the fire to burn the paths that you should not take and leave a trail of ashes leading you towards home. i love you.

a poem to those who lead with courage and love

#POEMBER #30DAYPOETRYCHALLENGE DAY 20 PROMPT: A WORLD LEADER WHO INSPIRES YOU

this poem is for those

who courageously arose

amidst all the flames

to speak out, unashamed

those who

through the principles of love

channeled guidance from above

leading generations

in fights for their respective nations

for they understood

that a nation is a reflection of those who inhabit it

and when the reflection narrows

including less and less

the inhabitants must

fly like sparrows

in search of righteousness

this poem is for

Ghandi and Dr. King

is for

Mandela

and those visionaries

who showed the world

that peace does not bleed

and nonviolence

will bring us the changes we need

this poem is for

Santana and Lennon

is for

Marley, Maya and Prince

for the artists

the warriors of the like

who had the courage to stand in the light

to dedicate their lives

to the pursuit of truth

through their chosen tools

despite

the obstacles

that against them would fight

this poem is for

the souls who’ve come to earth

and through courage, discipline and love

have given birth

to new perspectives

and freed minds

of all kinds

who’d been enslaved

and caged

this poem is for

the many more

warriors who will come

and are already here

may they rise

free of fear

and through

their chosen tools

through the principles

of love, freedom, justice and nonviolence

lead humanity

towards liberation

and a more accurate reflection of every nation

(C) N.OCASIO (LADY SOI) 2020

a widowed soul

#POEMBER #30DAYPOETRYCHALLENGE DAY 19 PROMPT: VULNERABILITY

a soul

is reflected in the infinite pool

channeled

using artistic tools

an impenetrable soul

like the widow

is not to be consoled

for the soul without penetration

left to exist without connection

left voiceless

in this dimension

dresses itself in all black

in an oversized hat

to hide the shame, the pain

of existing alone

of not having the courage to let go

unlike the widow

the soul can never truly lose

it’s connection to you

like the widow

attaches itself to a few re-bounds

but nothing truly profound

the soul must be allowed to flow

must not be caged

and hid away

must be wateres

with the truth of vulnerability

must be taken to the mountaintop

for all to see

for unlike the widow

the soul is both

beginning and end

with a lifetime

to comprehend

whereas the widow

is simply a simile for an ending and a question mark to the impending

(C) N. OCASIO (LADY SOI) 2020

alpha female unapologetic

#POEMBER #30DAYPOETRYCHALLENGE PROMPT: TRAUMA/FEAR

the girl was quiet, but profound

didn’t hang around the lost and found; lost but afraid to be found

wandered the world in her mind without ever leaving inside

fears included everything

eyes to the ground

no point in chasing

dreams, for her destiny was written

stared in too many broken mirrors

left the poison apple half bitten

wanted to die but afraid of death

the girl was funny, a light amongst friends

but trapped in a mind which she could not comprehend

outcast syndrome, fell in love with the silence

call it stockholm

a life alone, with no one to play with, no one to phone

a lifetime in isolation, in contemplation

led to many questions, to the acceptance

that many will go unanswered

if insecurity is a kingdom she was the queen

forehead felt like a thousand coals

when she felt seen

born with a want to hide, with no one to seek

she couldn’t understand why

games of who do you want to be?

where she wouldn’t dare utter “me”

why would she want to be herself?

her life was “hell”, her reflection fanned the flames, felt depression before it even had a name

perpetual sorrow, perpetually lonely

only trusted words cause they’re holy

attempted suicide only to find out she didn’t wanna die

traveled across the globe and found a home

maybe she did belong, her thoughts echoed

her soul bellowed

restless heart crooked smile

the quiet girl began to grow up

her heart was shattered

and as she picked up the pieces

she glimpsed into her life

the pieces a mirror, reflecting back the strife

she saw

her back slumped

weighed down by her eternal internal frown

she saw

her forgotten dreams

for this there was no sound

she saw

pieces of what could be

hidden behind the shatters, somehow still untattered

she was engulfed by an energy

that picked her up and sung her to sleep

she awoke

fearless

looked back at the pieces

“fuck you i dont need this”

she screamed

she was loud

making up for the times she was silenced

disavowed

picked up her chin, brushed off the frown

replaced it with a grin

she didn’t want to behave and bow her head

she wanted to be free and dance instead

at a young age took a vow to self to never fit the mold

wasn’t even sure who she told

what this meant

but that day as over the shatters she was bent

the fire crackled and lit

it wasnt too late

for herself to save

brainwashed at a young age

to believe some other equally lost soul was she to behold

as her king, her heaven and hell

he who knew what, for her, was well

explained many of her patterns, her projected trauma

so she vowed to fix what was broken

to re-wire the wires so she could swallow the truth and stop chokin

she stopped waiting for ghosts

for she grew tired of being haunted

hunted by the demons

that projected all the things she was scared to believe in

alpha female

unapologetic

in this story

she saves her self

don’t need a sequel

this life is prophetic

the girl evolved from omniscient third person

to first person

i

am no longer afraid to fly

i no longer want to die

but i accept the truth

and i am not aloof

i am emotion

sensitivty

vulnerability

these are my weapons in this society

so i scream from this page

don’t do what you’re told

unless it’s to reclaim

your narrative, your life, yourself

be free, for you create the heaven and hell

this is my truth

and i dont wanna be aloof

the womb across the room

#poember ~ 30 day poetry challenge ~ day 11 ~ prompt: someone you see

i watch as they move around the room, eyes fidget like hands looking for keys. scanning back and forth, almost like a plea. a plea? to be invisible? to disappear? to be seen?

i sit back in my chair, running my fingers through my hair

the faint buzz of the music, lulls me into a trance

i watch from across the room as his calculated movements send my brain into a dance

with every move i have to inhale, for not much of my breath remains

he inhales and sucks all the air out of the room

and when he exhales the room is lighter, less filled with gloom

i wonder what his lungs are made of, what magic intertwines within his alveoli

developing x-ray vision i stare into his chest

wondering what the insides look like, what it would feel like below my head

he slides his fingers across the pages of his book, then rhythmically up to his hair

runs them through, and just keeps them there

i’m his fingers now

and i dance between his thick curls, long and short, coils of sorts

inhaling the scent, on my descent down his forehead i slide down the bridge of nose and cozy into the space between his lips and the very tip

the floor beneath me rumbles as he speaks, lips move up and down, across his lips my fingers sweep

i dont think he can feel me

but i can feel him

someone bumps my chair and im transported out of the rumbling womb, back across the room

i look up and hes looking at me

its almost as if

we traded places

just to explore each others faces

#poember ~ 30 day poetry challenge ~ day 10

TITLE: RESTLESS HEART, CROOKED SMILE

A heart of glass

a river of stone

gentle things

pretty things

of which destruction is not condoned

restless heart, crooked smile

tear it apart

make it worth while

what good is a heart

if it does not shatter

from overuse

whats the point of livin recluse

i say give it your all

and just let loose

dont allow fear to choose

i wanna be where the humans are

i wanna feel them dancin

swingin their hips to the beat of the world

lying on their backs

eyes rolled back

toes curled

life is so beautiful you know?

good and bad must exist

it’s about the balance

that must persist

for far too long

“bad” has tipped the scale

how bout we

let love in

and send the hate straight to hell

#poember ~ 30 day poetry challenge ~ day 9 ~ theme: wealth gap

TITLE: the butterfly effect

*screen pans to kim kardashians house*

“mommy im hungry”

“go in the fridge and grab something to eat sweetie”

“which fridge has the snacks?”

“the third one baby”

*screen pans to working class household”

“mommy im hungry”

“ask your brother for some of his food, i have to go to work and theres some cereal in the pantry”

*screen pans to household below poverty line*

“mommy im hungry”

“i know baby i know, tomorrow morning you’ll be able to eat a good breakfast at school”

house A has 50 shoes per person

house B has 10 shoes per person

house C doesn’t have a house or shoes

it’s said that something like three men own the same amount of money, of wealth

as the bottom 50% of the american population

thats 3 people

have as much money combined

as 50% of an entire population

we’ll keep this simple and not dive in to the further division of this money in terms of race

although im sure you can all guess how that will go

now long story short

the gap between the rich and the poor grew wider and wider as the rich gained more and more

the clouds hang above my head

i can hear the low rumble of the planes in my ears

echo the rumbles of so many stomachs around me

a thought which to my eyes, brings tears

the inequality we see today is a mirror of what our ancestors saw in yesterdays

however thats not to say that its okay

that we should just accept it as something that has always been

because when you look with eyes of truth

you can see through this sin

we must allow ourselves to see what is for what it is

so we can begin to do the work of fixing how it exists

now this is not to demonize those who have worked hard for their money

surely they deserve to live lavish, and laugh when its not funny

however

when they kick back their feet and relax

somewhere in some part of the world there’s a starving person wandering through the traintracks

families split bread and never miss a day at school so they can be fed

there’s just something wrong when we get paid billions for writing a song

then hoard all that cash, snort it basically throw it in the trash

there should be some sort of ethic limit no?

so we can prevent the sizes to which these gaps grow?

teachers barely scrape the surface but shape the world

through shaping the development of every boy and girl

people upset about the gradual raise of minimum wage

be careful of who you defend and who you blame

do you really think someone can survive off of 7.25

in america?!?!

its okay to lend your brother a helping hand

its okay to let love take a stand

dont forget that the common enemy is the man not your fellow human trying to make ends meet with a family of four and nothing to eat

around the world americans are known as wasteful, distasteful

we consume and consume like there’s no end to to the room, like there is no impending doom

the wealth gap is a product of inequality

income inequality, racial inequality, opportunity inequality, educational inequality

how can we re-distribute the wealth?

re-program your mind

remove the indoctrination

re-distribute the education

each one teach one, together lets rebuild our nation

to change the whole we must change the half to change the half we must change each piece

so lets hold ourselves accountable, at least

next time you go to mcdonalds and buy a number three, add a extra large fry and give it to the homeless dude outside make sure you look em in the eye and smile at em real big let em know your on his side

we all just want to know we’re not alone, that we belong that this place is our home

next time you go to the dollar store buy a pack of snacks, deodorant and socks galore keep them in your car and instead of mean mugging the “beggar” at the light roll down your window and give him a bite, if we all do this i promise it’ll go real far

yes its gonna be hard to shift the state of our world

but we must start now, together

rememeber that on earth there are billions of worlds, one within each of us and if we re-shape our world we can re-shape the world

history is now and we write the book

take back your pen and around you, take a look

every action in the ocean of life, ripples into eternity

so make sure you’re nice

and create what you wanna see

#poember ~ day 8 ~ 30 day poetry challenge ~prompt: decisions

TITLE: win or lose? you choose.

whats the difference between a win and a lose?

the choice to shoot the shot

and walk the walk

the choice to get caught

in the negative talk

decisions, decisions

which should i choose

should i kick out the chair

or loosen the noose

i can’t decide if i want to wake up today

the sun shines on my face

as the clouds roll into my head

i cant decide if i want to wake up today

or if im better off dead

decisions, decisions

which should i choose

take the risk of my dreams

or keep my head low and put on the news

a choice, a reflection of your voice

explains why the voiceless so frequently correlates with the choiceless

free will allows us to choose our bed

to lie in it too

indecision steals my will

stepping back into the wheel

robs me of my right to feel

whats right for me

not for the people i see

and the fingers they point

choose this choose that

or you’ll dissapoint

all around me i see

people making decisions

i wonder if they’re all following a vision

or taking stabs in the dark

with pure willingness to embark

i think what holds me back is my doubt

not sure if to choose this or that

what if i choose x and should’ve chose y

what if it creates the wrong timeline?

through analysis ive found

that when you make a choice

you should consider the outcomes

and which one will most align with your voice

sometimes this requires sacrifice

allow old habits to die

so new versions of you may come alive

truly, no choice can end in failure

because all end in experience

and experience shapes behavior

allow yourself to be molded by boldness

let it seep into your pours

as you make confident choices

make a decision

and stick to it

follow through

and let your courage see you through

i hope you choose life today

i hope you choose confidence

i hope you choose peace

and to the indecision lay seige

i hope you believe in yourself

because without belief in a heaven

we’ll all end up in hell