yesterday i was pumping gas at the gas station when this homeless man came up to me and asked if he could shine my front lights. he said he could get them like new again, but he would charge me $20. i almost said no, then he told me he lived on a bridge with 20 other people and i would really be helping them out if i said yes… then he looks at me with the puppy dog eyes and says “please”. and of course, i said yes. i mean what’s $20 to those puppy dog eyes!
so i come out from getting the cash and he’s shining away at the lights. i inspect it and tell him he did a beautiful job and award him the money he earned.
he then asks, “do you have a boyfriend?”
“no, i don’t”, i say
“what do you do for sex?”, he asks as though he just asked me what my name was.
i’m a little taken aback so i don’t answer right away..
“do you want to have sex with me?” he asks again as though it’s a question as simple as, what’s your name?
“no, thank you.”
SO my friends, what can we learn from this extremely forward yet shockingly considerate man? he just asked me if i wanted to have sex with him, minutes after he told me he lived on a bridge with 20 other people. when he asked me this, he did not have a hint of shame or fear. when i replied and negated the offer, he did not have a hint of shame or rejection. what i learned from this man was that rejection only exists in your mind, not in the real world. if someone says no to your offer- be it for sex, a job, a friendship or a follow on social media- it should not affect you in anyway. rejection is born from the self-talk that continues in YOUR head after the conversation has taken place and the “no” has been stated. he went along his merry way and my rejection of his offer did not affect his self esteem, or the way he showed up in the world. so why is it that we, who have everything and don’t need to sleep on a bridge, are so easily swayed when someone says no to us? why is our self-esteem and self-image so easily wounded?
because of the self-talk! the things we tell ourselves after the exchange is over is what creates the residual effects of hate, etc. in our minds. so go out today and MAKE AN OFFER! PRACTICE REJECTION! put yourself in a situation where a “no” is more likely than a yes, then allow yourself to practice brushing off the no! it’s not a big deal when someone says no because if they do, then you’re right back to where you started and nothing has changed! don’t tell yourself how shitty and worthless you are because someone refused you. tell yourself that they’re missing out, or you don’t need them anyways or whatever fits your situation and will allow you to LET IT GO!! ask questions, make offers, go first and life will reward you. don’t let your fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.
i love you.