on forgiveness

It’s saturday and i’m being hard on myself…again.

most of my life, i didn’t share many opinions or take many sides because i had this internalized fear of being wrong or politically incorrect or being misunderstood. truly what this boils down to is the need for acceptance and validation. something that i have personally struggled with. yesterday i voiced an opinion in front of a group of people that was pretty strong, pretty to one side, pretty bold and unique. after saying this i was struck with thoughts of guilt, remorse, and incessant questioning “should i have said that?” “did i say it right?” “did they understand?” “did i offend them?” “was i wrong?”

these thoughts continued on to the night and i woke up this morning still feeling unsure if those people “liked me” or not because of an opinion i expressed.

let’s start off by saying that feelings like this can not be overcome until they are acknowledged and worked through. understanding is a concept that is very undervalued and under utilized in many spaces, but specifically, in our own headspace. if we don’t understand something, we can’t come to healthy, informed conclusions. we just continue to sit in this perpetual torment. whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.

ME TO ME: when you have opinions you must always be willing to yield or stand by them. to listen to others if your opinion has hurt them or if they seek further clarification. you must give others the chance to understand you, to hear you. and you must give yourself the opportunity to understand yourself and others. if someone doesn’t like you based off of an opinion or based off of anything, really IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. you do not have to feel guilty about having an opinion that is different from the majority, especially if it’s not likely to be understood. you have to allow yourself space to be, to feel, to think, to fuck up, to grow. don’t seek validation from others, don’t mold to fit others standards, don’t try to “fit in”. and don’t allow the opinions and thoughts of others to rule and dictate your life. what someone else thinks about you is none of your business.

LET IT GO.

i love you.

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