Freedom…Freedumb?

I look around and see a world. A world plagued with experiences that only I have had. With thoughts that only I have thought, scenes only i have seen, feelings only i have felt. i look at this world and i feel trapped. trapped in a cage of my own experience, my own thought, my own creation.

banging on the walls, begging for an out. where the wall meets the floor, i find a crack. i get on my knees and peer out of my world and into the universe. i see people laughing, people crying, cars crashing, waitresses dashing, planes flying, i see a universe in motion. i see worlds colliding and coming apart. i see stars falling, stars shining, constellations leading the way. i look around this universe and i see so many worlds. so many worlds revolving around the same sun. the sun of love. the sun of light. the sun of humanity. i sit back and lean my head against my world. i look around my world and bleakness, fear stare back like daggers digging into my retina. i close my eyes in pain as the blood of truth drips from my ducts. my world is stained with the blood of truth, the truth which was once aloof is now all i can see. it drips from my thoughts and stains my beliefs. i no longer know what is me?

is this universe i see really part of me? am i part of that ethereal whole? is my world just as important to the revolution of love? does the sun wait for me? will it burn the walls of my cage if i get close enough? will love save me if i let it?

i walk towards the door of my once comforting cage. i bang on it, i scream, i kick, i cry. i dont know why. why. why do i cry. why does it hurt… what is pain in a world of love? i fall to my knees as i bang and i plead. then and only then can i finally see, that the universe is me. and i’ve been banging from the inside. i am free.

sea-mmetry

i close my eyes

in a loving embrace

bow my head

put my hands to your face

i can feel your heartbeat

see its syncopated rhythym

creating portals

bending with mine

no longer mere mortals

an ocean in time

with your motion i align

floating in your sea

sky is all i can see

the waves crash on my body

your soul waves in mine

tsunami

weaving in and out of your rhythym

becoming paralyzed with submission

the lightness of my body

feels heavy floating in this lobby

the waves hit like bricks

the surface is making me sick

no boat, no oar

i long for the core, inhale and turn my back on the shore

yes, im unsure but i cant stand the surface anymore

i dive to the deep

swim through the bright corals in your reef

the creatures of the deep…blue..sea

they look at me

perplexed

unsure of what i’ll do next

i swim past sunken ships, unmarked boxes

shards of glass, resurrected creatures of the past

until, alas!

feet hit bottom

beneath them an x

i sweep the sand and find the misunderstood vex

a barnacled box covered in rusty locks

tangled in the weeds

from here i hear the beats

the box seems to breather

my lungs compress

as i open the box

and exhale my only breath

the rhythym of my exhale

intertwines the draining of the ocean

an uproarious cacophony of the sea

married to all you have ever

and will ever bleed

i delight in the sight

and dance to the liberation

freedom from castration

in exchange for the ocean

the box has gifted me you

in your purest, full of emotion

Soy…soi.

I AM.

“I AM” is a powerful affirmation. It reminds us that we exist, that we are alive, that we do not need to wait for anyone or anything to be, because we already are. It’s powerful when you feel invisible, trapped by the dogma of society and being a human the way you were told humans need to be.

What does it mean to be a human? What does it mean to be yourself?

How do you figure out who you are? What is the purpose of life?

Existential questions have plagued the matter of my mind for as long as i remember. I am a seeker. A seeker of truth, of freedom, of human connection. I seek the things of life that electrify the soul. The outlets of the mind.