ride or die —-> drive or die?

there’s so many fish in the sea…so why would anyone ever choose me?

one fish, two fish

red fish, blue fish

fish, fish, fish

octopus

fish, fish, fish

when you go to a seafood restaurant, do you order a hamburger? at steak and shake, do you get chicken? sometimes i feel like i am the thing that no one came for, and they’ll entertain the thought, “hmm, this steak house has chicken too” but mostly they’ll go with the steak. don’t get me wrong, if they choose the steak (them) over the chicken (me) then they’re missing out on the juiciest most amazingest chicken ever, not to mention i get to live as a whole chicken another day. but when i undergo the seemingly endless moments of being overlooked, never committed to, always underestimated, second choice or not on the menu at all…it’s not the best feeling. sometimes it feels bottomless, especially when it’s consistent and it feels like just for a moment, one little moment, their eyes lingered on the chicken a little longer but the steak was too tempting.

what does a strong, independent woman gotta do to get some loyalty!! some reciprocity!

let’s take this subject specifically to men and women (just indulge me ok). why is it that a man asks a woman for SO much, whenever he wants and seemingly expects the woman to abide? why do women (9 times out of 10) abide?!?! WHY is it that when a woman asks a man for the same in exchange, it’s never granted?!?!? i’m endlessly loyal, ride or die af but really that expression just doesn’t encompass most of the interactions of our time because women are doin the driving!!! we ain’t riding anywhere! we either driving or dying because damn sure no one is gonna take us anywhere and no one is gonna save us…especially not..*drum roll please* A MAN. i’m sorry, a MODERN STR8 MAN. listen guys, i really don’t wanna be that “every guy this” person but………

men think women are so complicated. but are we? no. we just pickup on all of your non-verbal cues and are confused and sad af all the time because no one ever taught us to be vocal about what we want/feel/think so we don’t know how to act. if you, (the man) were to be a more responsible human and create space to ask questions and voice feelings instead of taking advantage of a woman’s instinct to conform, then we (the women) would PROBBBAAABBBLLYYY not be so scared to voice ourselves. NOW, that being said, women: SAY WHAT YOU WANT/THINK/FEEL ALWAYS!!!!!! REGARDLESS OF WHAT “HE” OR “THEY” THINK!!!! FUCK EM!!!

so this started off as a sad piece but now i feel empowered. women have been silenced for far too long. so what if a man doesn’t show reciporocity, FUCK EM. so what if a man thinks you have too many feelings BETTER THAN NOT BEING ABLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE I HAVE THEM 😛 ! so what if you’re judged IDC BC I LOVE ME AND I’M GR8 AND I AM THE JUICIEST PIECE OF CHICKEN EVER SO IF U WANNA CHOOSE SOMETHING OVER ME BYYYYEEEEE, DON’T WATCH ME LEAVE.

if someone isn’t making you a priority, if you feel sad more than anything else, if you question yourself way too much because of a person, go into yourself and find the wisdom to walk away.if you’re having trouble with this (don’t worry we all do), get into a quite space, close your eyes, take five deep breaths and recite this prayer/mantra/sentences until you feel calm and can make a choice:

“God*(replace this or omit it if u like) grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change. The courage to change the things i can not accept and the wisdom to know the difference.”

happy healing, be free, be powerful, be u

xxoxoxoxoxo

ladysoi

color me life, i’ll color u love

The Life of Stardust.

ima kaleidoscope

reflecting colors

can u c me

i am a mirror

reflections that squander

in a world so big

i feel so alone

what does it feel like

to have a home

feel like i’m trapped in a tube

lately nothing feels new

spin me around

get me out of this town

color me life

and i’ll color you love

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you ever feel like you’re late to your life?

have any of you ever felt like you woke up in the middle of your life?

i have been living through this for about a year now and it is quite tough to get through. i teeter between excitement to finally feel fully alive in my body and anxiety that i’m late. that somehow or someway i should’ve already done these things, that i wasted so much time.

feelings like this are hard to cope with many times. they can feel immensely overwhelming and are undeniably the building blocks of anxiety because they are rooted in worry. but our job as humans and as owners of these thoughts and feelings is to analyze them, get to the core and figure out what it is we’re really afraid of. what is triggering this fear? this worry? this negativity? some of the things that fuel this fire are the beliefs that we won’t have enough time to do what we want to do or that we will die or that we won’t be able to live the way we want or that we’ll never accomplish our dreams, etc. etc. because of these fears many of us don’t even try!! we don’t even try to live the life of our dreams!! we stay on autopilot because we are afraid to fail… but what we don’t realize is that by choosing not to try, you have already failed and by choosing faith, you can not fail.

our brains can not accept conflicting thoughts. so it is very important that we get to the core and figure out how we truly feel about things. because once we do, we can let go of those that aren’t in line with what we TRULY believe. many times, our opinions/thoughts/beliefs are rooted in the opinions of others or negative beliefs we have about ourselves. it is CRUCIAL that we free ourselves from these things if we are to show up in the world full forced.

so when i have these thoughts that i’m “late” to my own life, i laugh and i check MYSELF. because it is impossible for me to be late to my own life! i’m not living on someone else’s timeline, i’m living on my own! so how can it be, that i’m late? late compared to what? we have to develop a sense of trust, this is vital to creating a comfortable rhythm between you and life. trust is a practice! so start with things that will not disappoint you, the inevitable truths of life. then, trust yourself. trust that everything is happening exactly as it should be, because it is! there are infinite possibilities in the world, infinite “timelines” so to speak. there is a reason why this one is happening and why we are here, now. so BE HERE NOW. accept the moment, this infinite and divine present moment, for it is all we have. the past no longer exists, although effects of it may still linger, it is gone. and it is up to US as responsible, conscious humans to CHECK OURSELVES and put ourselves back on the right path when we stray away. with love, grace, trust and the power of your will, you will become who you want to be. it takes great courage to do so. start now! accept your life for what is has been and what it will be, and BE FREEEEEE MY LOVES, BE FREE!!!!

i love you

-lady, soi.

afloat

The Life of Stardust.

just tryna stay afloat

what if i drown

and don’t make a sound

will anyone notice my silent cries

as i whisper my last goodbye

if i fall below the sea

will i arise a stronger version of me?

i think about life a lot

about death

how many times have you died?

felt the sweet caress of resuscitation,

beating inside your chest

i am an ocean

i swell and ebb

one with the flow,

don’t even hold my breath

flow so empty, makes me feel so deep

like i could fall forever

and never land on my feet

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