exotic 2/7

goddess of defeat

The Life of Stardust.

i’ve found myself in a place deeper than my skin

do not recognize my reflection

only the life i feel within

plagued with sin

injected with holiness

the goddess of defeat

put down your weapons

and embrace me

i have lost every war

yet won every soul

for i refuse to draw my sword

in authenticity, i behold

i am obsessed with who you are at your core

put down your weapons

never done this before

i watch from a far

and fetishize your smile

i will hold you in my arms, please just stay a while

human emotion is to me

what i am to you

an enigma, so sweet

an ocean, so blue

fantasies of you and me

crying over spilled milk

of her and him

of you and i

dancing in only silk

everythings so separated

it’s hard to make connections

don’t stay sedated

ask a lot…

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a hopeful romantic calling for a rEVOLution

this is an ode to romantics trapped in an age of dead romanticism. making love to everything around them with their perspectives. are you a “hopeless” romantic? seems as tho more and more people identify with this title. more and more people are becoming fed up with the lack of love and romanticism of the modern world and have turned instead to this label of hopelessness and professing their love to empty pages instead of open hearts.

i’ve been a self-diagnosed romantic since middle school, so maybe 12? i always daydreamed about love, wrote love poems to no one and would lay in bed staring at the ceiling feeling sad for no reason. this can be attributed to many things (girls being brainwashed to long for prince charming for example) but i think it’s deeper than that.

as i’ve grown older i’ve come to understand that sad girl more and more. i was, and am, sad because i want so much more than what i am offered. i believe this is true for so many other “hopeless” romantics. in this modern era of instant gratification and surface, transactional interactions those who seek depths, are starved. i’ve found that i’ve begun to romanticize everything in my life because i have nothing else to love. i love the trees as much as i would love the breeze that tousles through your hair. i look at animals the way i would look at you as you lay by my side through the night. i see the world as my one true love because the world accepts love easier than humans do.

why is this? why is it that humans have become so cold and shallow? that those who crave depth and the romance of the soul have had to turn to making love to their books and passions because they are categorized as “too much” within the realms of society and love. i call for a revolution of love. rooted in love for the advancement of the people. we will get nowhere if we can not release our fear. if we can not learn to both accept love and give it freely without anything in return. without expecting sex or a swipe or a like. we must face our inner fears so we may enter the world fearless and bold. ready to fulfill the prophecies once foretold!

make love to the world. give love freely, smile at strangers, say i love you first, tell people how you feel even if they won’t feel the same. your responsibility is not the feelings and actions of others, it is being true to the love that pours out of your soul. stop repressing, give it an outlet and bring love into the world. romanticism doesn’t have to be hopeless, because i am hopeful that we will free ourselves from this ego trap and embrace love with open arms.

i love you

you ever feel like you’re late to your life?

have any of you ever felt like you woke up in the middle of your life?

i have been living through this for about a year now and it is quite tough to get through. i teeter between excitement to finally feel fully alive in my body and anxiety that i’m late. that somehow or someway i should’ve already done these things, that i wasted so much time.

feelings like this are hard to cope with many times. they can feel immensely overwhelming and are undeniably the building blocks of anxiety because they are rooted in worry. but our job as humans and as owners of these thoughts and feelings is to analyze them, get to the core and figure out what it is we’re really afraid of. what is triggering this fear? this worry? this negativity? some of the things that fuel this fire are the beliefs that we won’t have enough time to do what we want to do or that we will die or that we won’t be able to live the way we want or that we’ll never accomplish our dreams, etc. etc. because of these fears many of us don’t even try!! we don’t even try to live the life of our dreams!! we stay on autopilot because we are afraid to fail… but what we don’t realize is that by choosing not to try, you have already failed and by choosing faith, you can not fail.

our brains can not accept conflicting thoughts. so it is very important that we get to the core and figure out how we truly feel about things. because once we do, we can let go of those that aren’t in line with what we TRULY believe. many times, our opinions/thoughts/beliefs are rooted in the opinions of others or negative beliefs we have about ourselves. it is CRUCIAL that we free ourselves from these things if we are to show up in the world full forced.

so when i have these thoughts that i’m “late” to my own life, i laugh and i check MYSELF. because it is impossible for me to be late to my own life! i’m not living on someone else’s timeline, i’m living on my own! so how can it be, that i’m late? late compared to what? we have to develop a sense of trust, this is vital to creating a comfortable rhythm between you and life. trust is a practice! so start with things that will not disappoint you, the inevitable truths of life. then, trust yourself. trust that everything is happening exactly as it should be, because it is! there are infinite possibilities in the world, infinite “timelines” so to speak. there is a reason why this one is happening and why we are here, now. so BE HERE NOW. accept the moment, this infinite and divine present moment, for it is all we have. the past no longer exists, although effects of it may still linger, it is gone. and it is up to US as responsible, conscious humans to CHECK OURSELVES and put ourselves back on the right path when we stray away. with love, grace, trust and the power of your will, you will become who you want to be. it takes great courage to do so. start now! accept your life for what is has been and what it will be, and BE FREEEEEE MY LOVES, BE FREE!!!!

i love you

-lady, soi.

sea-mmetry

i close my eyes

in a loving embrace

bow my head

put my hands to your face

i can feel your heartbeat

see its syncopated rhythym

creating portals

bending with mine

no longer mere mortals

an ocean in time

with your motion i align

floating in your sea

sky is all i can see

the waves crash on my body

your soul waves in mine

tsunami

weaving in and out of your rhythym

becoming paralyzed with submission

the lightness of my body

feels heavy floating in this lobby

the waves hit like bricks

the surface is making me sick

no boat, no oar

i long for the core, inhale and turn my back on the shore

yes, im unsure but i cant stand the surface anymore

i dive to the deep

swim through the bright corals in your reef

the creatures of the deep…blue..sea

they look at me

perplexed

unsure of what i’ll do next

i swim past sunken ships, unmarked boxes

shards of glass, resurrected creatures of the past

until, alas!

feet hit bottom

beneath them an x

i sweep the sand and find the misunderstood vex

a barnacled box covered in rusty locks

tangled in the weeds

from here i hear the beats

the box seems to breather

my lungs compress

as i open the box

and exhale my only breath

the rhythym of my exhale

intertwines the draining of the ocean

an uproarious cacophony of the sea

married to all you have ever

and will ever bleed

i delight in the sight

and dance to the liberation

freedom from castration

in exchange for the ocean

the box has gifted me you

in your purest, full of emotion