a haiku on #confidence

#poember #30daypoetrychallenge

alpha female unapologetic

#POEMBER #30DAYPOETRYCHALLENGE PROMPT: TRAUMA/FEAR

the girl was quiet, but profound

didn’t hang around the lost and found; lost but afraid to be found

wandered the world in her mind without ever leaving inside

fears included everything

eyes to the ground

no point in chasing

dreams, for her destiny was written

stared in too many broken mirrors

left the poison apple half bitten

wanted to die but afraid of death

the girl was funny, a light amongst friends

but trapped in a mind which she could not comprehend

outcast syndrome, fell in love with the silence

call it stockholm

a life alone, with no one to play with, no one to phone

a lifetime in isolation, in contemplation

led to many questions, to the acceptance

that many will go unanswered

if insecurity is a kingdom she was the queen

forehead felt like a thousand coals

when she felt seen

born with a want to hide, with no one to seek

she couldn’t understand why

games of who do you want to be?

where she wouldn’t dare utter “me”

why would she want to be herself?

her life was “hell”, her reflection fanned the flames, felt depression before it even had a name

perpetual sorrow, perpetually lonely

only trusted words cause they’re holy

attempted suicide only to find out she didn’t wanna die

traveled across the globe and found a home

maybe she did belong, her thoughts echoed

her soul bellowed

restless heart crooked smile

the quiet girl began to grow up

her heart was shattered

and as she picked up the pieces

she glimpsed into her life

the pieces a mirror, reflecting back the strife

she saw

her back slumped

weighed down by her eternal internal frown

she saw

her forgotten dreams

for this there was no sound

she saw

pieces of what could be

hidden behind the shatters, somehow still untattered

she was engulfed by an energy

that picked her up and sung her to sleep

she awoke

fearless

looked back at the pieces

“fuck you i dont need this”

she screamed

she was loud

making up for the times she was silenced

disavowed

picked up her chin, brushed off the frown

replaced it with a grin

she didn’t want to behave and bow her head

she wanted to be free and dance instead

at a young age took a vow to self to never fit the mold

wasn’t even sure who she told

what this meant

but that day as over the shatters she was bent

the fire crackled and lit

it wasnt too late

for herself to save

brainwashed at a young age

to believe some other equally lost soul was she to behold

as her king, her heaven and hell

he who knew what, for her, was well

explained many of her patterns, her projected trauma

so she vowed to fix what was broken

to re-wire the wires so she could swallow the truth and stop chokin

she stopped waiting for ghosts

for she grew tired of being haunted

hunted by the demons

that projected all the things she was scared to believe in

alpha female

unapologetic

in this story

she saves her self

don’t need a sequel

this life is prophetic

the girl evolved from omniscient third person

to first person

i

am no longer afraid to fly

i no longer want to die

but i accept the truth

and i am not aloof

i am emotion

sensitivty

vulnerability

these are my weapons in this society

so i scream from this page

don’t do what you’re told

unless it’s to reclaim

your narrative, your life, yourself

be free, for you create the heaven and hell

this is my truth

and i dont wanna be aloof

#poember ~ 30 day poetry challenge ~ day 10

TITLE: RESTLESS HEART, CROOKED SMILE

A heart of glass

a river of stone

gentle things

pretty things

of which destruction is not condoned

restless heart, crooked smile

tear it apart

make it worth while

what good is a heart

if it does not shatter

from overuse

whats the point of livin recluse

i say give it your all

and just let loose

dont allow fear to choose

i wanna be where the humans are

i wanna feel them dancin

swingin their hips to the beat of the world

lying on their backs

eyes rolled back

toes curled

life is so beautiful you know?

good and bad must exist

it’s about the balance

that must persist

for far too long

“bad” has tipped the scale

how bout we

let love in

and send the hate straight to hell

#poember ~ 30 day poetry challenge ~ day 9 ~ theme: wealth gap

TITLE: the butterfly effect

*screen pans to kim kardashians house*

“mommy im hungry”

“go in the fridge and grab something to eat sweetie”

“which fridge has the snacks?”

“the third one baby”

*screen pans to working class household”

“mommy im hungry”

“ask your brother for some of his food, i have to go to work and theres some cereal in the pantry”

*screen pans to household below poverty line*

“mommy im hungry”

“i know baby i know, tomorrow morning you’ll be able to eat a good breakfast at school”

house A has 50 shoes per person

house B has 10 shoes per person

house C doesn’t have a house or shoes

it’s said that something like three men own the same amount of money, of wealth

as the bottom 50% of the american population

thats 3 people

have as much money combined

as 50% of an entire population

we’ll keep this simple and not dive in to the further division of this money in terms of race

although im sure you can all guess how that will go

now long story short

the gap between the rich and the poor grew wider and wider as the rich gained more and more

the clouds hang above my head

i can hear the low rumble of the planes in my ears

echo the rumbles of so many stomachs around me

a thought which to my eyes, brings tears

the inequality we see today is a mirror of what our ancestors saw in yesterdays

however thats not to say that its okay

that we should just accept it as something that has always been

because when you look with eyes of truth

you can see through this sin

we must allow ourselves to see what is for what it is

so we can begin to do the work of fixing how it exists

now this is not to demonize those who have worked hard for their money

surely they deserve to live lavish, and laugh when its not funny

however

when they kick back their feet and relax

somewhere in some part of the world there’s a starving person wandering through the traintracks

families split bread and never miss a day at school so they can be fed

there’s just something wrong when we get paid billions for writing a song

then hoard all that cash, snort it basically throw it in the trash

there should be some sort of ethic limit no?

so we can prevent the sizes to which these gaps grow?

teachers barely scrape the surface but shape the world

through shaping the development of every boy and girl

people upset about the gradual raise of minimum wage

be careful of who you defend and who you blame

do you really think someone can survive off of 7.25

in america?!?!

its okay to lend your brother a helping hand

its okay to let love take a stand

dont forget that the common enemy is the man not your fellow human trying to make ends meet with a family of four and nothing to eat

around the world americans are known as wasteful, distasteful

we consume and consume like there’s no end to to the room, like there is no impending doom

the wealth gap is a product of inequality

income inequality, racial inequality, opportunity inequality, educational inequality

how can we re-distribute the wealth?

re-program your mind

remove the indoctrination

re-distribute the education

each one teach one, together lets rebuild our nation

to change the whole we must change the half to change the half we must change each piece

so lets hold ourselves accountable, at least

next time you go to mcdonalds and buy a number three, add a extra large fry and give it to the homeless dude outside make sure you look em in the eye and smile at em real big let em know your on his side

we all just want to know we’re not alone, that we belong that this place is our home

next time you go to the dollar store buy a pack of snacks, deodorant and socks galore keep them in your car and instead of mean mugging the “beggar” at the light roll down your window and give him a bite, if we all do this i promise it’ll go real far

yes its gonna be hard to shift the state of our world

but we must start now, together

rememeber that on earth there are billions of worlds, one within each of us and if we re-shape our world we can re-shape the world

history is now and we write the book

take back your pen and around you, take a look

every action in the ocean of life, ripples into eternity

so make sure you’re nice

and create what you wanna see

#poember ~ day 8 ~ 30 day poetry challenge ~prompt: decisions

TITLE: win or lose? you choose.

whats the difference between a win and a lose?

the choice to shoot the shot

and walk the walk

the choice to get caught

in the negative talk

decisions, decisions

which should i choose

should i kick out the chair

or loosen the noose

i can’t decide if i want to wake up today

the sun shines on my face

as the clouds roll into my head

i cant decide if i want to wake up today

or if im better off dead

decisions, decisions

which should i choose

take the risk of my dreams

or keep my head low and put on the news

a choice, a reflection of your voice

explains why the voiceless so frequently correlates with the choiceless

free will allows us to choose our bed

to lie in it too

indecision steals my will

stepping back into the wheel

robs me of my right to feel

whats right for me

not for the people i see

and the fingers they point

choose this choose that

or you’ll dissapoint

all around me i see

people making decisions

i wonder if they’re all following a vision

or taking stabs in the dark

with pure willingness to embark

i think what holds me back is my doubt

not sure if to choose this or that

what if i choose x and should’ve chose y

what if it creates the wrong timeline?

through analysis ive found

that when you make a choice

you should consider the outcomes

and which one will most align with your voice

sometimes this requires sacrifice

allow old habits to die

so new versions of you may come alive

truly, no choice can end in failure

because all end in experience

and experience shapes behavior

allow yourself to be molded by boldness

let it seep into your pours

as you make confident choices

make a decision

and stick to it

follow through

and let your courage see you through

i hope you choose life today

i hope you choose confidence

i hope you choose peace

and to the indecision lay seige

i hope you believe in yourself

because without belief in a heaven

we’ll all end up in hell

#poember ~ poetry challenge day 7 ~ relationships

TITLE: ONE DAY
an ocean so vast, an enigma so sweet

a field of possibility

of endless interpretation

and infinite defeat

human relationships

have always puzzled me

maybe its because im an only child

maybe its because ive never had one worth while

whatever it is i hope it goes away soon

because i think of genuine human connection and swoon

i love people, i do

but i dont know if people love me too

theres so many relationships to be had

platonic, intimate, good, bad

professional and … the ones that are just plain sad

most relationships seem to mirror the internal aspects of us

“show me your friends, and ill show you who you are”

the human psyche seems to be

the core of the information we see

its interesting because

all that we see is created by us

so maybe thats why my relationships may have always sucked

because of how i saw myself

and the aspects that away i tucked

i long for a place to lay my head

where i can rest

and be as weird as i want, no judgment

no comments about the shit that i said

people who just accept

me, for me.

the purest relationship that could ever be

is the one that recognizes all this for what it is

and sees all beings through that lens

as a reflection of all that exists

confronts others with grace and love

so below

as above

people can only know you as deeply as they’ve known themselves

and most people have only ever known hell

hope grows inside my soul

that as time goes on, more of ourselves we’ll know

and deeper into eachother we’ll come

as we release the judgment

allow all to become

relationships are a mirror

in which to see clearer

the problem is

when we don’t want to see what is

so we smash the mirror

forgetting that the reflection

although in another

is us

and when they suffer

we suffer

and we break human trust

i think honesty is the key

to connecting with someone

i haven’t been too great at it

i must admit

but i am working to get better

one day ill be able to hold your hand

woman or man

one day ill be able to hold your gaze

for days and days

one day ill let you hold me

one day ill tell you all my stories

one day

in the world

there will be true unity

one day

💜💜💜💜💜💖💖💘💘💘💞💞💞💓💓💓💓💓

#poember – Day 4 – something you want to change in the world

TITLE: war is over, if you want it

“who did it?

was it the muslims?

the americans?

the chinese?

the whites?

the blacks?

who was it?”

“humans.

humans killing humans”

man this shit is really a nuisance

cant take a deep breath

without inhaling the bullshit

for centuries

humans have grown on earth

for centuries

to wars we have given birth

since wars begin in the minds of men

it is in the minds of men

the defenses of peace must be established

im tired of hearing about all this havoc

we reap upon ourselves

then try and blame hell

can’t you see that we create this reality?

videos of hate, of death

got me holdin my breath

people praising a icon of hate

not caring about their neighbor

just gossiping about her being late

dont even get me started about roast culture

i swear we be actin like a bunch of vultures

lobsters in a bucket

pushing eachother down to get on top

end up boilin in a pot

what would happen if the lobsters worked together

if they all pushed to one side

instead of pushing eachother down

and of the bucket made a clown

what do i want to see change?

the way humans treat eachother and themselves everyday

kids in schools getting bullied for a cheap laugh

syria getting bombed for a payday

our earth spit on and trashed

i want to see our society be responsible

loving

kind

gracious

responsible

for the people we raise

the shame and guilt we face

and the outcome of our days

i want to see people who can say

hey, im sorry

people who can say

how can i support you?

people who can say

i love you

to a stranger

cause really, whats the danger?

making eye contact

is a lost artifact

i want to see

people who

meet up to have trash clean ups

meet up and actually talk to eachother

not stare at a phone

and ignore one another

i want to see the end of greed

and the rise of love

i want to see the heavens descend from above

the end of conformity

the beginning of originality

you know 99% of people are afraid to be themselves

because theyre afraid of you giving them hell?

isnt this something we should think about

talk about?

the dark places others dwell

because of a human induced hell?

i want more places of worship

besides just churches

places of hope, of peace

non judgemental

spots where we can break bread

and share each piece

i want forgiveness

i want reparations

i want bravery

courage

and safe places

truth

honesty

and vulnerability

is the air i want to breathe

to get to this divine utopia

we must share the cornucopia

so all may live in abundance

remove the labels

and accept each one for who they choose to be

stop imposing identities

give people safe places to breathe

to bleed

to cry

to heal

war is over, if you want it

but we must first have the courage

to be real, to feel

and to flaunt it

#poember poetry challenge day 3- the me you see vs. the me i see

TITLE: A TRIBUTE TO BROKEN MIRRORS

in order to discuss the me i see

i must first discuss the me i saw

so you can join me

on the journey as we look back in awe

the me i see is in recovery

from everything that went wrong

when i looked in the mirror

the me i saw

was chasin bitter tastes

because everything she had ever tasted was bitter

and she wasnt sure if there would ever be anything sweeter

the me i saw

felt like she didnt belong

measuring her worth

with someone elses ruler

singing someone elses song

the me i saw

used fear as a veil to shield the bugs of reality

she played dead

so no one would go for her head

she gave others control of her life

then in turn blamed herself for the strife

blind to the fact

that they did not regard her as the precious artifact

that she was

that she is

one day un pajarito sent her a message

he told her that she was in charge

that she had to release the demons on herself

and conquer them no matter how large

no matter how real

no matter who they were

she had to let herself feel

relinquish the care

of what they had to say

because it didnt matter

anyway

she shed the betrayals, the mistakes, the self-hate

that had become her cloak

gifted to her by others

tightening around her neck until she began to choke

the me i saw worked with the me i wanted to see

to build a ladder

down into the deepest parts of me

the me i see is closer to the me i have wanted to be

everyday i let go of the past

i forgive myself

i allow myself to be me

i accept myself

the me you see

may be a weirdo

may be silent

may be distant

may appear unattainable

the me you see…….

honestly…..

doesn’t matter.

because truth is i dont know what you can see

i dont know what you have or will see

and if i base my focus on that

shit, ill become mad as a hatter

because no matter what i do

you will always see me through a lens

that is shattered

no matter how genuine, authentic or me i try to be

there will always be somebody who does not want to see

there will always be somebody who puts mud back onto their glasses

when its been cleared

there will always be somebody

who will look at the present through the lenses of the past

trying to make what is gone forever last

i HOPE the me you see

inspires you to be

lifts you out of darkness

and gives you a safe place to breathe

i have always felt misunderstood

a black sheep in a world of giraffes

but even with this thought

i still feel good

and that shit makes me laugh

because i am not my thoughts

and everyday i step into this more and more

i accept

that not everyone will accept me

and the me you see

may very well be

a skewed version, a version before the ladder

but thats okay

because i accept myself

i give myself permission to rise

about all the little eyes and the little lies

the me i see is proud of who she is

and doesnt give a FUCK

if you disagree

because hashtag i do this

and i dont need you to like me, to be free

this life is alchemy

a reflection of the collective consciousness

the me i saw, see

the me you saw, see

the you i saw, see

comprise the we

now

one thing i can guarantee

is that as life goes on

more of me, you will see

because if i dont give you all of me

why am i here?