reflections from the wrong side of the glass

i like to stare out windows, at ceilings, walls, people. the mindlessness of it. the longing of it. of watching something happen outside of you, almost opens a portal to the infinite longing that lives within. i find myself wanting so many things, craving so many things, longing.

there’s a tree outside of this window, a big apartment building. all of the apartment windows have three rectangles up and down and double panes. i can’t see through, just some pieces of furniture in some windows. most are empty, waiting for people with their hammers and nails to come in and make it into something. the tree is just there, sometimes the leaves sway, sometimes not. the cars pass by and the people skate, bike, walk. most don’t even notice i’m watching them. the gate opens and closes and i can’t see anyone coming in or out, i just assume they are because the gate is opening, and closing.

but it’s quite possible that there’s no one coming in or out. that it’s simply opening or closing because it’s a malfunction, or an illusion- the way the light hits the gate. i also don’t know where any of the people are going, or where they came from or if they’re even human. i’m sure most of you have noticed the rise of the robot. modern day transformers. except they stay robots and forget their human origins. i can hear them in the background as i watch the tree deciding to sway, or not.

they sound like clones, obsessively speaking about falsities taken to be realities. synthetic. i can hear the malfunctions in their voice, the periods of silence where they don’t know what else to choke up. constant chatter, constant noise fills the looking glass. as it’s reflections divert away from the image it so poignantly places on display.

but on the other side of the glass… it’s quiet, slow, contemplative. nuanced, generalized. mindless. shapeless. all left to interpretation. to illusion. to imagination.

i want to live inside the glass. cross the threshold to the other side. live amongst the nuance, fully embrace the mindlessness. sway with the trees, contemplate coming and going with the cars and the bikes. walk in the peace. i don’t want to be on this side anymore with it’s loudness and empty chatter. i want to be on the other side.

FIRE MEDITATION

Fire is healing. The earth provides us with all that we need to heal, her elements are our elements. we are one. fire burns, disintegrates. leaves nothing but ashes in its path. set aflame all the things that live within you that you no longer want in your home. remember, you can not set another’s house on fire. you cannot control what goes on outside of your home. you can not control the flames that rage outside, only those that rage within. focus. control. release.

allow yourself to use this as inspiration to sit in silence with a candle, or by a fire. focus on the flames, feel the heat. set your intention, then watch it burn.

fire has been used as a method to cleanse the air and as a method of worship for…well, probably for as long as the earth has been the earth. “WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE!” 🎶 it was one of the first tools that we discovered as a species, it is what allows us to cook our food, to feel heat, to drive cars to experience electricity. fire is electric. it can be devastating, like the fires that rage in california or the MAN MADE fires that burn down our forests.

regardless, fire is one of the most powerful elements and tools that we have on this earth. candles are one of my favorite things in the world. because through the fire we can experience aromatherapy and connect deeper to self. i invite you all to find a little fire in your life, be it literal or figurative. allow the fire to light your passions, burn away all things no longer meant for you. allow the fire to burn the paths that you should not take and leave a trail of ashes leading you towards home. i love you.

“something like a feeling, isn’t it? that thought.”

everything leads back to self-acceptance.

everything leads back to understanding, to forgiveness. we must allow ourselves to think, to express, to have opinions. to alter our opinions to grow and flow with life. stop caring so much about what others think. stop allowing your thoughts to dictate your life and your feelings. be in control while relinquishing control. allow the quantum principle to lead you. accept life for what it is, accept your role in life for what it is. be grateful for it and don’t try to own more than is given to you. be gracious in accepting the things you can’t change, the things you can’t control. and be responsible in getting into the drivers seat of the things you can. shift your focus to grace. and allow the divine grace to flow through you and move you. all is love

on forgiveness

It’s saturday and i’m being hard on myself…again.

most of my life, i didn’t share many opinions or take many sides because i had this internalized fear of being wrong or politically incorrect or being misunderstood. truly what this boils down to is the need for acceptance and validation. something that i have personally struggled with. yesterday i voiced an opinion in front of a group of people that was pretty strong, pretty to one side, pretty bold and unique. after saying this i was struck with thoughts of guilt, remorse, and incessant questioning “should i have said that?” “did i say it right?” “did they understand?” “did i offend them?” “was i wrong?”

these thoughts continued on to the night and i woke up this morning still feeling unsure if those people “liked me” or not because of an opinion i expressed.

let’s start off by saying that feelings like this can not be overcome until they are acknowledged and worked through. understanding is a concept that is very undervalued and under utilized in many spaces, but specifically, in our own headspace. if we don’t understand something, we can’t come to healthy, informed conclusions. we just continue to sit in this perpetual torment. whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.

ME TO ME: when you have opinions you must always be willing to yield or stand by them. to listen to others if your opinion has hurt them or if they seek further clarification. you must give others the chance to understand you, to hear you. and you must give yourself the opportunity to understand yourself and others. if someone doesn’t like you based off of an opinion or based off of anything, really IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. you do not have to feel guilty about having an opinion that is different from the majority, especially if it’s not likely to be understood. you have to allow yourself space to be, to feel, to think, to fuck up, to grow. don’t seek validation from others, don’t mold to fit others standards, don’t try to “fit in”. and don’t allow the opinions and thoughts of others to rule and dictate your life. what someone else thinks about you is none of your business.

LET IT GO.

i love you.

#poember – Day 4 – something you want to change in the world

TITLE: war is over, if you want it

“who did it?

was it the muslims?

the americans?

the chinese?

the whites?

the blacks?

who was it?”

“humans.

humans killing humans”

man this shit is really a nuisance

cant take a deep breath

without inhaling the bullshit

for centuries

humans have grown on earth

for centuries

to wars we have given birth

since wars begin in the minds of men

it is in the minds of men

the defenses of peace must be established

im tired of hearing about all this havoc

we reap upon ourselves

then try and blame hell

can’t you see that we create this reality?

videos of hate, of death

got me holdin my breath

people praising a icon of hate

not caring about their neighbor

just gossiping about her being late

dont even get me started about roast culture

i swear we be actin like a bunch of vultures

lobsters in a bucket

pushing eachother down to get on top

end up boilin in a pot

what would happen if the lobsters worked together

if they all pushed to one side

instead of pushing eachother down

and of the bucket made a clown

what do i want to see change?

the way humans treat eachother and themselves everyday

kids in schools getting bullied for a cheap laugh

syria getting bombed for a payday

our earth spit on and trashed

i want to see our society be responsible

loving

kind

gracious

responsible

for the people we raise

the shame and guilt we face

and the outcome of our days

i want to see people who can say

hey, im sorry

people who can say

how can i support you?

people who can say

i love you

to a stranger

cause really, whats the danger?

making eye contact

is a lost artifact

i want to see

people who

meet up to have trash clean ups

meet up and actually talk to eachother

not stare at a phone

and ignore one another

i want to see the end of greed

and the rise of love

i want to see the heavens descend from above

the end of conformity

the beginning of originality

you know 99% of people are afraid to be themselves

because theyre afraid of you giving them hell?

isnt this something we should think about

talk about?

the dark places others dwell

because of a human induced hell?

i want more places of worship

besides just churches

places of hope, of peace

non judgemental

spots where we can break bread

and share each piece

i want forgiveness

i want reparations

i want bravery

courage

and safe places

truth

honesty

and vulnerability

is the air i want to breathe

to get to this divine utopia

we must share the cornucopia

so all may live in abundance

remove the labels

and accept each one for who they choose to be

stop imposing identities

give people safe places to breathe

to bleed

to cry

to heal

war is over, if you want it

but we must first have the courage

to be real, to feel

and to flaunt it

#poember poetry challenge day 3- the me you see vs. the me i see

TITLE: A TRIBUTE TO BROKEN MIRRORS

in order to discuss the me i see

i must first discuss the me i saw

so you can join me

on the journey as we look back in awe

the me i see is in recovery

from everything that went wrong

when i looked in the mirror

the me i saw

was chasin bitter tastes

because everything she had ever tasted was bitter

and she wasnt sure if there would ever be anything sweeter

the me i saw

felt like she didnt belong

measuring her worth

with someone elses ruler

singing someone elses song

the me i saw

used fear as a veil to shield the bugs of reality

she played dead

so no one would go for her head

she gave others control of her life

then in turn blamed herself for the strife

blind to the fact

that they did not regard her as the precious artifact

that she was

that she is

one day un pajarito sent her a message

he told her that she was in charge

that she had to release the demons on herself

and conquer them no matter how large

no matter how real

no matter who they were

she had to let herself feel

relinquish the care

of what they had to say

because it didnt matter

anyway

she shed the betrayals, the mistakes, the self-hate

that had become her cloak

gifted to her by others

tightening around her neck until she began to choke

the me i saw worked with the me i wanted to see

to build a ladder

down into the deepest parts of me

the me i see is closer to the me i have wanted to be

everyday i let go of the past

i forgive myself

i allow myself to be me

i accept myself

the me you see

may be a weirdo

may be silent

may be distant

may appear unattainable

the me you see…….

honestly…..

doesn’t matter.

because truth is i dont know what you can see

i dont know what you have or will see

and if i base my focus on that

shit, ill become mad as a hatter

because no matter what i do

you will always see me through a lens

that is shattered

no matter how genuine, authentic or me i try to be

there will always be somebody who does not want to see

there will always be somebody who puts mud back onto their glasses

when its been cleared

there will always be somebody

who will look at the present through the lenses of the past

trying to make what is gone forever last

i HOPE the me you see

inspires you to be

lifts you out of darkness

and gives you a safe place to breathe

i have always felt misunderstood

a black sheep in a world of giraffes

but even with this thought

i still feel good

and that shit makes me laugh

because i am not my thoughts

and everyday i step into this more and more

i accept

that not everyone will accept me

and the me you see

may very well be

a skewed version, a version before the ladder

but thats okay

because i accept myself

i give myself permission to rise

about all the little eyes and the little lies

the me i see is proud of who she is

and doesnt give a FUCK

if you disagree

because hashtag i do this

and i dont need you to like me, to be free

this life is alchemy

a reflection of the collective consciousness

the me i saw, see

the me you saw, see

the you i saw, see

comprise the we

now

one thing i can guarantee

is that as life goes on

more of me, you will see

because if i dont give you all of me

why am i here?

unconditional love: one size fits all

unconditional

The Life of Stardust.

I had so many beautiful things I wanted to say to you.

But everytime I opened my mouth,

you turned away.

So I started saying them to myself instead.

Everytime I opened my mouth,

I grew and grew.

More into myself

and out of you.

I whispered the I love you’s I had reserved

the affirmations

the encouragement.

And I grew and grew.

Until,

I didn’t need you to face me to speak.

Until,

I could speak into fields of emptiness,

into crowds of turned faces.

The I love you’s, the affirmations, the encouragement…

grew flowers in deserts.

My words, no longer sought validation.

They had power on their own.

I had power

on my own

And now, I speak

and leave behind a field of flowers.

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hidden in the silence

The Life of Stardust.

you know how silent i am?

my god i barely make a sound

at times a careless whisper

to remind you of the profound

my silence is loud

please don’t cover your ears

i want you to hear what it’s done to me

after all of these years

i will not forsake you

i come in peace

so below, as above

the shark is drowning

but can’t he swim?

the human is choking

but can’t he breath?

the fire and the flood

but didn’t he leave?

our lives are a series of moments

that only exist within themselves

outside of themselves, they bear no weight

and still we sink beneath them, call it fate

we control the tides, and the shore

where it starts, where it ends

we are life

we are moments

ever changing and fleeting

only within ourselves, will we ever find meaning

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